follow the person this was reblogged from for an extra hour in the ballpit
this really works for some people (like 10-30 extra hours) so give it a try!
I love the Pushing Daisies universe because it’s this beautiful little bright world where people live in windmills and keep bees and everyone’s jobs are things like lighthouse keeping, illusionists, and scratch-and-sniff book authors. But it’s teeming with cold-blooded murder.
- Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
- Me: *turns up music*
- Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
- Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
- Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
- Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
- Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
- Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
- Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
- Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
- Lady cop: I can make that happen.
- Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
- Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
- Entire train: *applauds*
do you ever think about the judges for the triwizard tournament trying to figure out who to kidnap for the second task
like they’re all just sitting in dumbledore’s office and karkaroff goes “well word on the street says that krum has a crush on that granger girl”
"damn," says dumbledore, "I wanted harry to rescue her. well, what about the delightful miss chang?"
"no," says bagman, "we’ve got her down for diggory"
"stop sinking my ships," says dumbledore
SOMEONE DO A DATE LIKE THIS WITH ME. I’LL EVEN LET YOU TOUCH THE BOOTY.
Now that’s how you get laid boys.
OR to be EVEN MORE ROMANTIC you could take the kiddie pool, fill it with balls, and give ur partner and extra hour in the ball pit
I love it when Google Chrome screws up and they’re like “Fuck it here’s a tiny dinosaur pixel”
NOOO WHY DOES NO ONE GET IT REMEMBER THE SCENE IN ‘MEET THE ROBINSONS’?
GOOGLE CHROME SHOWS THAT LITTLE DINOSAUR PIXEL BECAUSE THEY CAN’T REACH THE WEBPAGE
So every morning I get off the train and start my 20 minute walk to work, and there’s this guy who’s always like 3 steps ahead of me and always beats me to the street corner bc I get stopped by the light and he passes it. but today I was ahead of him for the first time and he RUNS in front of me, turns around and goes “I’ve been winning for 2 months, can’t stop now, have a good day, see you tomorrow.” tmrw I swear i’m wearing running shoes to work.
Im on mobile so I don’t know if the pic is actually of something, or if it’s legit just a stupid gray box
and the circle is complete
England: what are you doing
America: getting rid of u lmao
- salazar: hey everyone just wanted your opinion on something
- helga: shoot
- salazar: okay what if we get giant versions of our house symbols
- rowena: what
- salazar: like godric would have a giant lion chilling out somewhere and rowena would have a big canary
- rowena: its an eagle
- salazar: okay whatever
- godric: i dont think uh
- salazar: it cant be too hard to find a huge badger
- godric: okay dude wtf no this is ridiculous absolutely no giant house symbols
- salazar: oh um okay because i kind of uh
- helga: what did you do
- salazar: NOTHING
how come john lennon was shot by a fan and robin thicke still lives
yes hello police i would like to report SHOTS FIRED
but not at thicke.